Discernment Counseling
If you or your partner are considering divorce but are not completely sure that’s the best path, you are in a tough spot.
Discernment Counseling is designed for you. It is a specialized way of helping couples where one person is “leaning out” of the relationship—and not sure that regular marriage counseling would help--and the other is "leaning in”—that is, interested in rebuilding the marriage.
It is not marriage counseling. It’s a chance to slow down, take a breath, and look at your options for your relationship.
Discernment counseling is time-limited and structured.
We focus on:
Understanding how the relationship reached this point
Identifying each partner’s level of commitment and ambivalence
Exploring the patterns that have contributed to distress
Clarifying whether both partners are willing to engage in a defined course of couples therapy
By the end of the process, couples will reach one of three outcomes:
Path One:
Status Quo
Couples agree to neither pursue therapy nor divorce.
In some situations, there is simply too much complexity or uncertainty to make a clear decision about the future of the relationship. This path allows you to pause that decision rather than force it prematurely. With increased awareness of patterns and interactions, many couples experience more peaceful and mutually respectful cohabitation, along with small shifts in problematic dynamics. This path reflects a conscious choice to maintain the relationship as it is while avoiding reactive or rushed decisions.
Path Two:
Separation/Divorce
Rather than remaining in a cycle of uncertainty, you leave with a clear decision—allowing you to move forward without continuing to invest in couples work that isn’t aligned with where the relationship is headed. The result is less confusion, fewer drawn-out decisions, and a more intentional transition into what comes next.
Path Three:
Committing to the Relationship
This path is a decision to fully invest in the relationship for a defined period of time—typically six months of focused couples counseling.
With this path, both partners agree to make best efforts and actively work on the relationship, address patterns, and make meaningful changes.
If you and your partner are in different places about the future of your relationship, discernment counseling may provide the clarity needed to move forward — together or separately.