Discernment Counseling
If you or your spouse are considering divorce but are not completely sure that’s the best path, you are in a tough spot.
Discernment Counseling is designed for you. It is a new way of helping couples where one person is “leaning out” of the relationship—and not sure that regular marriage counseling would help--and the other is "leaning in”—that is, interested in rebuilding the marriage.
It is not marriage counseling. It’s a chance to slowdown, take a breath, and look at your options for your marriage.
The goal is for you to gain clarity and confidence about a direction, based on a deeper understanding of your relationship and its possibilities for the future.
The goal is not to solve your marital problems but to see if they are solvable. You will each be treated with compassion and respect no matter how you are feeling about your marriage at the moment. No bad guys and good guys.
You will come in as a couple but the most important work occurs in the one-to-one conversations. Why? Because you are starting out in different places.
As your counselor, I respect your reasons for divorce while trying to open up the possibility of restoring the marriage to health.
I will also emphasize the importance of each of you seeing your own contributions to the problems and the possible solutions. This will be useful in future relationships even if this one ends.
Discernment counseling is time-limited and structured.
We focus on:
Understanding how the relationship reached this point
Identifying each partner’s level of commitment and ambivalence
Exploring the patterns that have contributed to distress
Clarifying whether both partners are willing to engage in a defined course of couples therapy
By the end of the process, couples reach one of three outcomes:
Deciding to pursue divorce
Continuing the relationship without structured therapy
Committing to a defined period of couples counseling with intention
The emphasis is on making an informed decision, not remaining in prolonged uncertainty.
If you and your partner are in different places about the future of your relationship, discernment counseling may provide the clarity needed to move forward — together or separately.
We can discuss your situation during a consultation to determine whether this process is the right fit.